Today was the first time that I was in Savasana (Corpse Pose) with tears falling off the side of my face and my body shaking as if it had been raped. It had been… energetically!
I cried twenty minutes in my car, releasing the experience. I waited until I was grounded enough to drive back safely to Miami.
What!? Others might think that is crazy, yet I am highly sensitive to energies. It is my gift and also my burden. My life focus is Truth and to remove the barriers to Open to greater Love. I am comfortable anywhere, with all kinds of energies, because I can remain in my Core. Today I was submitted into another person’s energy. Vulnerable, I was blasted in this Hallandale class with a teacher I was just meeting.
That was anything BUT yoga (in it’s true sense) and the energy of the space was #dense. She actually started the class saying that the Union of Mind, Body and Spirit was only Theoretical.
She was aggressive in her approach, there was little compassion or patience. One of my friends was used as an example of what NOT to do and forced to the position she wanted. Her hands moved all over his body without regard to boundaries. She accommodated my body a few times and although uncomfortable, I held my breath patiently.
Hanging from straps, she pushed the students from the back. I know of several friends who have been severely injured by this type of ‘assistance”. I spoke up clearly this time and stated “Don’t push me!” Still, she dared to put her hands on me and show me where to focus.
“Sorry! I changed my mind”, she said as she gave a different instruction. “I can do it, I’m a girl.” she explained. Really!? Is that honoring to women? That gave space for a man to later say “Use a blanket if you have princess knees”. He admitted he had princess knees.
Knee caps according to her are “stupid”; as are having our legs without tension in them. Stupid! Your knees hurt? Oh, according to her it’s because they are getting old.
I couldn’t believe I was in that space. My body started moving organically to shake free from it. Immediately, she told me I wasn’t allowed to do extra moves. A while later on the floor, my knees bothered me and I moved my legs. Again she addressed me and told me to stop moving. I was enraged and my angry voice rippled through the room. “Just let me move how I want to!!”
How can we allow ourselves to be subjected to this type of abuse? I was supposed to accept her and remain there the rest of the weekend? Now way!! I paid for something else, not to be forced into submission and trauma.
The only reason I stayed through out the initial class was that it was a requirement of the teacher training I am participating in and I did not have the clarity I have now.
Fear! That’s what keeps us quiet. Also, being used to it; it’s just another day. Third reason? Society is Numb and hence can’t perceive the VIOLENCE of these actions. Fourth? There’s a belief that being able to cope with these situations and allow them is Spiritual.
I have worked hard to BE FREE. To FEEL. To discern what is in alignment. I am a Being that honors herself. We become most powerful when we have nothing to loose. I am not afraid.
“I am here to show you what you aren’t aware of”, she said to the whole class towards the end when my discontent was obvious.
Well you know what!? I am here to show you what YOU aren’t aware of.
ABUSE IN THE NAME OF YOGA.
How many times will we be abused in the name of Love? Discipline? Deadlines? Fear?
I don’t take Abuse.