Digging a big hole into the Earth and burying myself into it at night fall was clearly an experience that was going to impact me. The repercussions were deeper and more grounded than I imagined.
Human relationships are Challenging. Inspiring. Delightful. Painful. Distracting. Passionate. Boring. Mysterious. Inevitable. A gift! We are learning at every moment from each other and growing together or falling away. Always in flow and cycles.
Since we are all in the process of evolving, cleaning up and remembering what Being Love is, there is NO one that can truly be that space of Unconditional Love for us. Believing otherwise creates pain and confusion.
Being the sensitive soul I am, I have felt very disoriented in my life be being with people who claimed they cherished me and yet had no True capacity for Love. Control, fear, insecurity, and manipulation were disguised as Hearts. Yes, they did their best and yet that did not honor me and my self-expression.
Was I a victim? No. I was involved in an experience to come deeper and deeper into my core. To learn Self-Love and trust my inner voice and follow through with my Heart’s passions.
That cold night almost a month ago, under a moonlit sky and the shadows of the trees, I walked into the Earth with an undressed body and a naked soul (yes, I did leave my head out above ground!). Immediately, I started shivering as dirt fell on me and the weight of Earth trapped me. Sobbing, choking on my tears, cold and afraid I re-experienced the terror of having to deal with deception, pain and harmful relationships. No escape. I couldn’t runaway as I’ve learned how to do. My crying deepened and I shook under the weight of a lifetime or more. How long could this go on? I was meant to stay until I felt a resolution.
“I will die if I have to continue living with this!”, my soul cried. So it heard itself. And that’s exactly what it did. Died. Death as a blessing. Not a physical giving up; an energetic death to that way of experiencing life, an end to engaging with relationships that pull me down.
My breath slowed down and the body’s tension melted away. I sensed a steady drum on my chest and I could feel the pulsation at my feet too. That was my way of connecting with the Heart of Mother Earth. “Hello!!! There you are!”, my soul smiled. I had died and I was ready to come back. “Yes. I choose you as my support and source of Unconditional Love. I am Reborn with you as my Mother”. I felt my Heart merge with her’s and deep sense of Wellbeing.
My own physical mom came into my mind and I acknowledged this experience as a blessing for us too. If I don’t have expectations about how she shows up for me, and I feel fully supported by Life, I can be a better daughter: more patient, less demanding and more forgiving while still honoring my Truth.
So everyday, I remind myself to connect to our Mother, and allow her sweet embrace to Nurture my soul and flow through me as a source of Love and Inspiration.
What can we ‘die’ to today? We can always be reborn as the Children of Love we are.
Thank you brothers and sisters.
Love, Light and Laughter,