TIME TO DIVORCE ILLUSION
Date Published: April 16, 2020
Gather people in a confined space for a prolonged time and we get to see where the cracks in the relationship are. There is no running away from what is arising and if we cover it to avoid the discomfort, it only prolongs the pain.
I was reading that the rate of divorce has dramatically increased during this pandemic. I am not surprised. I believe that removing veils is a powerful gift. What is this moment showing us?
This is a powerful moment of awareness for all of us; for the relationship with ourselves and with people around us.
Many people have busy lives, distracted with work, stressed out, and resort to short term pacifiers by consuming goods, entertainment, and pleasurable experiences. They flow though life in superficial and convenient relationships, not really knowing the other person or how much they actually love them.
I just realized that I got divorced exactly 10 years ago from my boys’ dad and I feel moved to share with you the key lessons I got from that experience.
There is NO failure. Relationships last for as long as they’re meant to. Once there is no alignment to grow together with respect, love and harmony, we can thank each other and move on without feeling defeated.
There is no need to find blame or wrong the other. We don’t need to give reasons to others and justify our decision. The person can still be a wonderful human and wish them well in their life.
What would Love say? What would make me feel expanded and joyful? When we make fear-based decisions, it prolongs the pain. This is our own life and we get to make decisions aligned with our heart.
Don’t force a romantic relationship for the sake of children. When there are kids involved, we can still be great at co-parenting and supporting each other in that journey. I saw the pressure of society to stay for the kids, yet I realized that it wasn’t real. The kids would never thank me for being unhappy. I know that they will be stronger and happier adults showing them that our own happiness and self-love are very important and definitely worth the discomfort of ending a relationship.
Even though the journey of being a single mom while discovering who I AM resulted more difficult than I could ever imagine, I am beyond doubt grateful I did it.
Our children have grown up with two different households to be kind-hearted, mature, and wise beyond their years.
What else would I tell myself back when I was struggling? Do your inner work. Love yourself. Find support. Talk with people you trust and try couple’s therapy. Give it one good try. Just don’t get hooked on co-dependent professionals that need your broken relationship along with your money. There’s a moment when you know the damage has gone too far and it’s time to be brave.
You know the way.