CHANGE PERSPECTIVE TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTED
Date Published: August 13, 2013
We were walking down the mall, arm in arm, giggling like teenagers. Huge smiles on our faces and our hearts beating proudly. I felt like the luckiest girl. Yep. That’s my momma!!
For the past four months I was blessed to have my parents as neighbors. Blessed is not synonymous to perfect and always peaceful. It means it was a gift. I am one of five kids and I rarely have the opportunity to spend so much time alone with them. They decided to buy an apartment as an investment and it happened to be close to me. It has been a fabulous opportunity to reconnect and learn how to interact in a healthy and sustainable way. Sometimes we hang out peacefully with our parents (or any relationship!) for a while and then, as the underlying tension accumulates, we begin to count the days until they leave. Enough!! This time it didn’t happen. They left before they annoyed me!!! ; )
What changed?! I want to share what worked for me.
I’m YOUR mother! A very simple thought. I decided I would be the mother. When that happened I allowed unconditional love to take over. I let go of expectations, of needing to have their approval; I was able to hold space for them as I became more compassionate, made fewer demands and just let the relationship be as fresh as possible at each moment.
Pre-labeling. I had the thought that ‘my mom worries about everything I do or don’t do’. Each time I shared something, I expected her to say something negative so I was quick to react. Snap! Without a doubt, she’s an amazing support and wishes the best for me. Solution? I pre-labled her concerns as an expression of love and concern for me. I’ve stopped my viper attacks (at least most of them!) because there is nothing to defend myself from. I’ve also asked her not to vocalize her concerns so much.
It’s ALL love. By opening to nurture THEM I learned that frustration can arise when we want the best for someone and they’re not completely there. It’s not that we are doubting in their capabilities! Frustration is a form of love. We’re simply wishing the other to be happy and be taken care of. Instead of being hurt by their frustration, I decided to accept their worry by listening to their suggestions and showing them with clarity that things are exactly where they should be.
Our parents gave us life and they deserve the highest respect and consideration. Having a healthy relationship with them will help our lives flow. We can have different perspectives on life and walk our own independent path while still honoring their love, their views and allowing them to be a part of our lives. It’s not always easy. They come with pain and human limitations, just like us! My family is present in my life. They might not be in yours and you can still respect them at a distance for the gift of life and the lessons they passed on. There truly is no one to blame; we accumulate experiences that guide us and help us understand what we want to create for ourselves.
It’s never too late to feel nurtured and supported. It starts by standing peacefully in the conviction of our own lives, be willing to nurture others and open up to see the love and support that’s pouring our way.
Cuddle up! : D