WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR RELATIONSHIPS TO BE EASIER?
Date Published: July 5, 2015
We all want Love…
There are so many situations that have become normal in our society that ROB us of deep meaningful interactions. As humans we yearn for more than the superficial relationship, yet there is a deep fear of intimacy and honesty based on personal experience or observations.
This leaves us confused, numb, angry, not knowing what we want and hurting ourselves more as time goes by. Until we learn. : D
So, what would it take for relationships to be easier?
1) TRULY LOVE OURSELVES! If we have no capacity to SEE how amazing we are, when a person admires us, we will think they are crazy. Or needy. Our whole life happens through us. Through our capacity to say: THIS is going to be an AMAZING life. I am asking for this to be the most wonderful expression of my soul and I will have the courage to make it an experience I love.
How? Spend time with ourselves getting to know who we are, what our heart desires. Meditate. Follow our passions. Feel ALIVE on our own. Then we will not be ATTACHED or need others for our happiness. We will then be able to understand that another being can share with us fully, without attachment to us.
2) COMMIT to OUR SELF and LOVE: Absence of attachment does not imply lack of commitment. The commitment I am talking about is honoring first our own truth. When I got married, I committed to that relationship… but when the partnership did not honor me as an individual, I realized that the ULTIMATE commitment was to myself, to unwrap the Gift I AM for this World.
When we feel drawn to someone, let’s acknowledge it. We are meant to flow through life with our hearts as our GPS. Honor ourself by having the courage to see what’s there. Try to get to know the other person for as long as we feel it is what we want. Don’t avoid or leave because we project from past experience. We are always free to leave. If we bounce between different people to avoid awareness, what is it telling us about the clarity in our life?
When a person that triggers something in us shows up, we can avoid running back into our safe cave with the illusion that ‘I have better things to do, I’m so busy, or I’m not interested in relationships’. Commit to our truth, what are we feeling? Lessons and growth in life come through these channels.
Committing to love can happen when we recognize the special bond, the flow and the unique understanding between each other; the desire to co-create, work on aligned intentions, and/or continue opening up to love. It can be a daily commitment. It can be partnership. It can be a marriage. It is all up to what both people agree to. If we aren’t ready to commit to ourselves and don’t know what we want, it’s much harder to commit to sharing our love with another.
3) Be beyond Polite! Some people feel that not being polite or clear is a way of not committing; a way of showing how light and non-consequential the connection will be. Others think that ‘doing the right thing’ is a way of getting something in exchange. Simply treat the other person in a way that respects them as a being, makes you feel good and reflects how you are willing to take care of them.
Hey! is not a message. Say something relevant and not throw it on the other to manage the conversation. It has to be a balanced interaction. If you reached out, what’s the purpose?
Answer messages when you see them. There is no long term excuse for not responding. No matter how busy we are, we always have our phones with us and half a second away from at least a thumbs up emoticon. Of course, we can forget at times or have already shared a prior message. I’m talking about the recurrent pattern.
Picking someone up, paying, or over-complementing expecting something in exchange is not cool. There is nothing more unattractive than manipulating a relationship.
What else? You probably have some ideas.
4) Be Present. FREEDOM does not imply lack of presence and one foot out the door. It doesn’t mean we shut down and disappear. We are either interested in sharing with someone or we’re not. Get in touch within our hearts with what we want. Imagine a circle. Most of the time we keep it an open loop. How can we truly experience life that way? Presence is being fully aware of what arises. Then we are in our power to make empowered decisions.
Create presence in our life. Dissolve the circles that are not worth pursuing. It is much richer than having a whole bunch of maybe’s. One person here. Another there. Maybe’s don’t have a chance.
5) Forget about Serious and Embrace Depth! Serious is a boring adjective for a relationship. Most people want to have fun and share without the sense that the other person is a love gangster who will be here today and disappear tomorrow without reason, to show up clueless the following day.
It is not about how long it will last, but about how honest and present we can be with our heart opening. The gift of love is that it breaks down the barriers we have built with the World and we can access the beauty of our soul within. The resulting anger from breakups is the sense of loss and theft of that experience.
Beyond popular belief, our hearts are a precious treasure that no one can steal. We can share it and show the love we ARE and feel in other’s presence. If one disappears the other is not abandoned. Simply one step closer to finding TRUE love for the rawness experienced can expand the heart more and not create more scabs, simply because that’s what we can chose. Our hearts can expand with compassion for the other’s incapability to experience love, and exalts our desire to find someone who can experience it with us.
True, unattached and committed love is the dance between two whole individuals, exalted by life, loving, cherishing each moment and coming together to Create magic in this Now. It requires an underlying structure which is solid and a willingness to grow together, holding space for each other as programs and limitation surface to be released.
Every single person is a gift for our life. Every relationship can bring us closer to a healthier one when we open up in awareness and choose from the new insights.
What have you learned that transformed your experience with relationships?
Love, light and Laughter!
Mena.